To the ones that ghost and the ones who’ve been ghosted
To ones who’ve been ghosted…
Yes, being ghosted hurts. You begin to invest into this new non-relationship, start to get excited about this new person that has come into your life and everything seems to be going great. All the good feelings flood your body and your brain goes crazy with wild thoughts and feelings and you think nothing can go wrong. Until… it happens. They disappear. Maybe deep down you saw it coming, maybe there were no signs of it all, but no matter what, it always stings. There are so many unanswered questions that you know may never be answered, you think long and hard about what could have happened but you know it’s all just imaginary, you feel confused, frustrated and disappointed. Just know that it’s okay to feel upset by it. There will be people that won’t understand why you care so much but take it as a positive thing, it just means you are willing to let yourself feel. But as Matthew Hussey (a really amazing dating guru) says “it’s okay to be disappointed that they weren’t the one, but please don’t grieve as if they WERE the one.”
Here’s my 5 top tips to get over be ghosted (speaking from experience)…
5 things to do when you’ve been ghosted…
– Get a new haircut– yes I know it’s cliche and you’ve heard it before but getting a fresh look on the outside can really help you to get a fresh look on the inside too! It doesn’t have to be a haircut, it could be getting your nails done or treating yourself to new clothes, just something that makes you feel good outside and in!
– Plan something fun with a friend/friends that gives you something to look forward to! Pretty self explanatory but get out there, enjoy yourself and keep busy!
– Have a night by yourself for yourself. Turn off your phone and take time just to be on your own and love every minute of it! Have a bath (which is always my go to!) enjoy a glass of wine, watch a film, read a book, listen to music, eat an entire tub of ice cream if needs be. Just spend time doing things you enjoy with just yourself as company to give yourself some breathing room and space to gather your thoughts.
– Focus on you. They’re are plenty of people who will tell you to get back on the dating scene straight away but that’s not for everyone. When you’ve been ghosted it can feel a little daunting to put yourself back out there and if that’s the case then it’s okay to put a pause on dating for a while. Use this time to focus on bettering yourself and make steps to become the person you want to be. Join the gym or take the plunge and start that new business you’ve been dreaming of- whatever it is you’ve been putting aside, NOW is the time to do it. Find your passion again because without it you cannot live, only exist.
– Remind yourself everyday that you are absolutely worthy of a love that is everything you’ve ever wanted and that you should never settle for anything less.
Now, To the one’s who ghost…
We understand sometimes that you do it because you think it will be less painful for the other person or because there’s something bigger going on in your life right now, but please note, in any circumstance, ghosting is cowardly and disrespectful. Now I’m not saying I expect an explanation from every man I ever speak to but, to me, if you go on even just one date and have begun to make a connection with this person then that is enough to deserve an answer. A simple phone call or even a quick text just to simply say ‘hey, I had great time with you on our date but I’m afraid I just didn’t feel a romantic spark but thank you for a lovely evening.’ it doesn’t need to be dressed up, it doesn’t need to be big deal but it would make things so much easier for both people involved. Humans are made strong stuff and can take a little rejection every now and then, it’s how it’s dealt with that makes the difference. Honesty really does go a long way and we will respect you for having the courage to communicate your feelings to us in an open and upfront manner. I know it’s a bit scary telling someone you’re not interested in pursuing anything with them because I’ve done it myself, but I plucked up the courage to be honest and it was huge weight lifted off my shoulder and the other person could not have been more grateful to me for telling them how I truly felt. So if you’re reading this knowing you’ve ghosted on someone before please think twice about doing it again because dating is hard enough, it doesn’t need to be any more complicated. Being honest with how you feel will only make the other person respect you and will allow them to move on without any bad feelings towards you. It’s really a win win situation!!
Be brave, honest and kind.